White Castle by the Sea

With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a month ago,
In a White Castle by the sea,
That a maiden there served what you may know
By the name of A SLIDER WITH CHEESE ;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to serve and be loved by me.

I was no child and she was no child,
In this White Castle by the sea;
But it was a burger that was more than a burger —
I and my slider with cheese;
A burger that the golden arches of McD’s
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago
In this White Castle by the sea,
A wind blew through open doors, chilling
My beautiful slider with cheese
So that her highborn salesmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a rubbish can
In this White Castle by the sea.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we —
Of many far wiser than we —
And neither the Jacks all in boxes above,
Nor the Kings dwelt down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful slider with cheese.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful slider with cheese
And the stars never rise but I feel the buns’ size
Oh the beautiful slider with cheese!
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling — my darling — my life and my pride,
In the sepulcher there by the sea

And I’ll continue to lie and to mourn and to cry,
Until many and many a month from nigh —
As I lie by her side by the sea —
Surrounded by wrappers and grease and old fries,
Refusing to let her be eaten by flies,
Until we’re united, until I do die
From cardiovascular disease.