The Horse Gelder (and You Thought I was Kidding)

Ideas for “The Horse Gelder”:

1.  Romantic comedy — A young, sassy city girl is dragged on a family vacation to her father’s newly purchased Wyoming ranch.  That summer, her sullen fits are reversed when she meets the love of her life in a handsome young horse gelder, Scott Fergusson – but can their love withstand the death of Scott’s mentally retarded stablehand?

2.  Post-apocalyptic science fiction — In the fiery wastelands of the Republic of Wyoming, one of the dissolved United States, the horse population has exploded in the absence of human industry.  Lone bounty hunters roam the land searching for stallions in this damned land where the only currency is horse testicle.  (Note: like “Blade Runner,” but with horse genitalia instead of robots.)

3.  Futuristic science fiction — In the far future of the Earth, horse have evolved into space-faring creatures, capable of near-light speed travel and able to exist for years in the vacuum of space.  These horses are perpetually drawn to their home planet; however, horse bodies entering the atmosphere have begun burning up on reentry and destroying human cities like fleshy asteroids from Hanoverian Hell.  The U.S. government has begun genetically engineering a handful of elite supermen to combat this horse threat, and there’s only one way to prove their kills.

4.  Fantasy — In 17th century Transylvania, a new threat has emerged from the depths of the Black Forest.  Werehorses have begun terrorizing small towns along the border, leaving crushed and mangled remains of humans and things far worse than human in their wake.  The Vatican has sent Abraham Van Horsegelder to Transylvania to eradicate this menace, but as he will soon learn and as his name suggests, werehorses are invulnerable to most traditional ways one would kill an animal.