or, “The American Court System’s Insidious Plot to Foster a Deep Hatred of Civil Service in the Nation’s Youth”
Recap of my last few days:
- Drive through rainy Monday morning LA traffic (i.e. parking lot) to make it to the courthouse by 8:15. The ten mile drive takes 45 minutes.
- Arrive on time at courthouse. Realize line for metal detector stretches around the courthouse. Outside.
- It is pouring rain.
- I have no umbrella. And no hood.
- After fifteen minutes, make it — soaking wet — through security.
- Find the jury room. Sit. Wait.
- Nothing — nothing — happens until 9:15 or so, when a woman proceeds to give us incredibly simple instructions for the next half hour.
- We’ve accomplished so much! Take a forty five minute break.
- I return after the break to find that the court isn’t ready for us, and the woman who’s presumably in charge gives us an early lunch.
- I have lunch from 10:45 to 1:30. It is pouring rain outside, and driving home will take too long, so this amounts to me sitting. And waiting.
- Finally, at 2:15 we’re led to the courtroom. The judge proceeds to explain that he won’t be ready for us until tomorrow.
- Report to the courtroom at 1:30, as instructed. Doors open late, at 1:45. Judge proceeds to give incredibly simple instructions and attempts to insert bad jokes that just stretch the orientation out. By 2:45, the jury begins to be interviewed. My number is not called.
- At 3:00, the judge decides we’ve made incredible progress, and that we’ll take an afternoon break until 3:20.
- At 3:30, we resume again. My number is still not called.
- Finally, at 4:15 the court reporter’s steno machine breaks. We call it a day.
- I am thoroughly miserable about having to come to court. Again.
- Show up at 10:45. Start at 10:55. This is a pattern.
- Sit listening to interviews until 12:00. My number is still not called.
- Take a lunch break until 1:30.
- By which I mean we started again at 1:45.
- More interviews until 3:00. My number is still not called.
- Afternoon break from 3:00 – 3:20. Again.
- The juror pool is dwindling. My number must be called soon.
- By 4:00, after I had sat through three days of absolutely nothing, the attorneys pick a jury.
- I am not on it.
- I was never interviewed for it.
- The last three days, in fact, would have proceeded precisely the same had I NOT BEEN THERE.
- 4:05 — pick up my reimbursement statement ($30.68) and the only thing I care about at this point: a certification of completion of jury duty.
The tl;dr version:
HOLY FUCK IT SNOWED TODAY