There are times, every once in a while, when I pause and just say to myself, “What the hell am I doing with my life?”
The last time this happened, to give you an idea of the state of mind I’m usually in when it occurs, was math lecture. I’m sitting there learning how to solve a second-order inhomogeneous ordinary differential equation, and outside its sunny or rainy and there are birds and animals and people and people are enjoying themselves and laughing and loving and living and living and I’m… well, I’m learning how to solve a second-order inhomogeneous ordinary differential equation.
And I think that will help me in the long run. But it’s definitely not what I want to be doing now. I want to be on the outside of the lecture hall. I want to be enjoying the sun and enjoying the people and I want to be laughing and loving and living. And yet what am I doing now? Well, I’m writing a blog about it. And then I’m going to solve more differential equations and write an essay about Greek tragedy.
I go outon weekends and dance and laugh and live… and enjoy myself. I really do. But I can’t help but wonder if there’s something more, some part of life that I seem to be missing out on and that, every once in a while, makes me stop taking notes in math lecture and replaces my interest in the vagaries of multivariable calculus with a feeling of imminent suffocation.
But anyway. Because you’ve put up with me being excessively maudlin for a couple hundred words, here’s an example of why life is good:
Yes, that’s a giant picture of us on the wall. Rasterbation is fun!