There are times, every once in a while, when I pause and just say to myself, “What the hell am I doing with my life?

The last time this happened, to give you an idea of the state of mind I’m usually in when it occurs, was math lecture.  I’m sitting there learning how to solve a second-order inhomogeneous ordinary differential equation, and outside its sunny or rainy and there are birds and animals and people and people are enjoying themselves and laughing and loving and living and living and I’m… well, I’m learning how to solve a second-order inhomogeneous ordinary differential equation.

And I think that will help me in the long run.  But it’s definitely not what I want to be doing now.  I want to be on the outside of the lecture hall.  I want to be enjoying the sun and enjoying the people and I want to be laughing and loving and living.  And yet what am I doing now?  Well, I’m writing a blog about it.  And then I’m going to solve more differential equations and write an essay about Greek tragedy.

I go outon weekends and dance and laugh and live… and enjoy myself.  I really do.  But I can’t help but wonder if there’s something more, some part of life that I seem to be missing out on and that, every once in a while, makes me stop taking notes in math lecture and replaces my interest in the vagaries of multivariable calculus with a feeling of imminent suffocation.

But anyway.  Because you’ve put up with me being excessively maudlin for a couple hundred words, here’s an example of why life is good:

Yes, that’s a giant picture of us on the wall.  Rasterbation is fun!



  1. You may not be outside laughing and living right now, but the fact that you wish you could, the fact that you want to shed the trappings of academia and move towards something else, something better—isn’t that the first step?

    Besides, it’s raining outside. There isn’t much sun to speak of.

  2. I had the same thought yesterday, when the wind was blustering unpleasantly and the rain was dampening my spirits. I feel sometimes as though I’m allowing my life to pass me by. I’m young and energetic NOW, but youth is ephemeral.

    What does it say about me when I’m typing in my comment instead of telling you directly when you’re 15 feet away?

  3. I think this all time. But then it gets depressing. And I think if you weren’t in school right now, you’d always be wondering what it would have been like to be in school, you know? Living that whole college experience is something people always wonder about and sometimes never get the opportunity to do. So that should be a little comforting. 🙂 Besides, you live it up on weekends (I didn’t know you went dancing…).

  4. I feel like I need to clarify something here:

    I like going to school. Being in class while I’m at college isn’t what I’m complaining about, it just seems like there’s a lot outside of class I’m not experiencing. And four years goes by fast.

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